Yesterday, I treated myself to a facial at Bliss. And by "treated" I mean I had a gift card. Usually for my birthday, I will ask for a Bliss gift card because: 1) it's my most favoritest spa, 2) it's two blocks from my apartment and C) it smells of lemon and sage...yummay!
After checking in at the front desk, I was led into a locker room that I imagine looks very similar to heaven. It was all white and light and very spacious. If I was capable of doing a cartwheel, I would have. I then put on the robe and slippers they provided and went to unwind in the waiting room.
If the locker room is heaven, then the waiting room is a blissful afterlife (see what I did there?). The peaceful, dim-lit room was fully equipped with citrus ice water, tiny snacks and a speaker playing a jazz rendition of Hall & Oates "Sara Smile." I poured myself a glass of water and took a nibble of cheese, barely restraining myself from eating the entire plate. I was in a fancy spa -- I needed to be Fancy Ari. I then took two slices of cucumbers and placed them over my eyes as I sat and waited for my facial.
I heard another spa patron enter the room, so I took the cucumbers off of my eyes. She was giving me a weird look, and I knew it was a weird look because it's the same exact look I give whenever I think someone is acting like a freak. I felt really insecure and figured it had to be the cucumbers. I knew I should have just eaten them. But then, I realized why she was looking at me that way. My robe was WIDE open and my left breast was nonchalantly hanging out. I was giving this poor woman an unwanted peep show. Just when I thought I couldn't embarrass myself any further, I muttered to the woman, "sorry about my boob." SORRY ABOUT MY BOOB? WHAT? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
Luckily, I didn't see her again after my facial. So, I went back into the locker room, stole enough samples to get me arrested for a felony and then headed home.
Way to go, Fancy Ari.
I should probably stick to at-home spa services
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